So what happens when you take an Oscar winner, Oscar nominee and a soon-to-be has-been and throw them on the same set and put up a nearly $60 million budget? You get "Burlesque": a sad and dreary entry into the musical genre of films that fails to give any depth in either its characters or subject matter. Cher certainly could have picked a better vehicle than this piece of trash to make a come back with, and Stanli Tucci, it's amazing to see how quickly an Oscar nomination can be replaced by a Razzie nomination. As for the screen writing, Diablo Cody, I think the Oscar for "Juno" cursed you, "Jennifer's Body" signaled the end for me. But in reality, there are so many things wrong with "Burlesque" that I kind of don't know where to start. It really was like "Showgirls" with out the nudity.
First, why is it that Cher would agree to do a musical that only included her in two of the ten musical scenes? Second, if it was so important to emphasize that Cher and Christina Aguilera were the only two performers not lip syncing, then why was there not a single microphone during either of their performances? Third, why is it that none of the dialogue was spoken through song? This could have possibly given some redemption to the many flaws of the movie, and I stress the many flaws. Fourth, why did this movie have to follow the same Hollywood formula: girl from the wrong side of the tracks who dreams of making it big, then finally becomes successful and saves the day in the end by defeating the antagonist. But here lies the fifth major problem: no real villain. The two bad people in the movie were hardly bad. Eric Dane, I mean it was Tess' (Cher) fault for defaulting on her mortgage. Who cares if his character wanted to buy her out? And Kristin Bell, what did she do to make think of her as such as a monster? Oh wait, she lies about sleeping with Tess' ex-husband to make her mad for firing her, but Tess bashes her car window with a crow bar, so maybe Cher is the villain. And the last major problem with the movie is the total lack of chemistry between Cam Gigandet and Christina Aguilera. It was kind of like watching two statues trying to make love, it was really ridiculous.
I don't know, after about an hour I started to wish it would just end. This is a prime example of a terminal film, being that it causes severe and sometimes irreparable damage to the careers of the actors who are in the film. I will admit that I liked some of the musical sequences but I can get that kind of entertainment on YOUTUBE. Cher will be going back to Vegas, Stanli Tucci will most likely be playing the "gay guy" for the rest of his career and Chritina Aguilera might show up to accept her Razzie next year. As for me, I think I'll go have a drink, I certainly earned that right after sitting through this poor excuse for a movie.
